On Thursday August 3oth, 2012 I gave birth to my forth child, a little boy named Abraham.

   I have never written a post on a Saturday, but I wanted to today to honour this little boy that no-one ever got to see or meet, except for me. 

   This story may float between clinical, personal, and over-share. I feel like I have come a long way since the summer I had him, and that the harshness of the memory has subsided. I miss him, I love him, I still feel pain to think of not being able to hold and kiss him. But I am at peace.

   Back in March I told the story of my fifth child, Ezra Faith, but didn't share the details of that miscarriage. I am going to share the details of this first miscarriage though because, as I said already, I feel enough time has passed and I am able to.   
​

   
​    The pregnancy was a surprise, a very big surprise, and I honestly had mixed feelings about it. At the time our youngest was 2, which isn't old as far as children go, but we had sort of moved on from babies, and thought we had the family we were going to raise. I don't particularly enjoy being pregnant, so I wasn't really looking forward to that, and because my mind was thinking we were done with babies, my heart felt done with babies. But, as time went on, my heart changed, and I was planning and imagining life with a new little person in the house. 

   On August 9th I had gone to my 12 week mid-wife appointment, only to have them not be able to hear the babies heart beat. I felt such a knot in my stomach, and couldn't put words to my feelings. They told me that everything could actually be fine, and perhaps the baby was sitting farther back which can make it difficult to hear the heartbeat. We booked an ultrasound for the next day, and I told my husband not to take work off because everything should be o.k.

   I didn't sleep much that night though, and I went through the next morning in auto-pilot. Trying not to worry, but also trying not to be too confident. 

   The ultrasound technician was one I had seen just 2 weeks earlier at the ultrasound to date the age of the baby. So, I could see the worried look in her face when she walked into the office to do the exam.

   She was working away at the exam, and I asked her, "is there anyone in there?", and she said, "yes". Though her answer was not terribly re-assuring.
   A minute or two later I asked, "is there a heart beat?...". She turned to me and said, "I'm not supposed to tell you this, but I need to tell you that your baby has no heart beat".
   I felt numb, but I had the sense to ask for a photo from the ultra sound. I know it seems morbid, but 2 weeks earlier at the dating ultrasound, the new printer hadn't come in yet, so I didn't get to take a photo home that day. I needed a photo. 

   I don't remember leaving the room, or walking down the hall. All I remember is getting into the stairwell, and suddenly starting to cry so deeply, and with so much pain, I couldn't stop. 

   I ran down the stairs, through the parking lot, and into my van. I sat and stared at the photo of this baby, this tiny life that I was still carrying, but was not alive. I felt betrayed by my body, I felt angry at my body. I felt sick that I had a human being in me who was not alive. I wanted to scream, and punch something.

    I was told that because I felt fine physically, my mid-wife said I could carry the miscarriage out at home without having to go to the hospital. But only to a point. I begged with her to not send me to the hospital. I was taking my temperature 2-3 times a day to make sure I wasn't getting an infection, and to be sure that my health was fine, but with nothing happening on it's own, I did seem likely I would have to go to the hospital to be induced, but I was determined not to. I researched online about how to induce labour for (what is called a) missed-miscarriage. Basically, a missed-miscarriage is when the body has not caught onto the fact that the baby had passed away. 

   So, I needed to convince my uterus to start contracting. I decided on taking evening primrose oil, raspberry leaf tea, high doses of vitamin c, and parsley tea as my exhaustive method for inducing labour naturally. Two days after I started to use these things, I started to bleed. It was 14 days after I had found out the baby had passed away.

   It was another full week of bleeding and spotting on and off before I started having pain in my abdomen, something similar to period cramps. 

   I had these cramps on and off all day on the 30th, but then around 6:15 it suddenly felt sharp and different. My husband was still at work, and I knew if something happened I would have no help.

   I had (luckily) just finished making the kids dinner, and called to them "get your food!" as I ran up the stairs to the bathroom. 

   I had so much time to "feel prepared" and to read the stories of other woman and their miscarriages online. One woman had talk about a "miscarriage basket" to have ready. I thought the idea was a good one, so I had my own ready for me in the bathroom. It had 2 large red towels, feminine wipes, a bottle of water, a pretty bowl, and an extra thermometer. Each item had a specific purpose, and I knew I would be grateful to have them, I just didn't realize how grateful.

   The red towels were to hide the blood. For myself, and for anyone else (especially the kids) who might have seen me/been helping me through this it can seem less traumatic to not see blood everywhere. The wipes and water bottle seem obvious, but they were really important to have handy. The pretty bowl was for the baby. This part was very much up in the air, as generally, the longer it takes your body to finish the mis-carriage, the more deteriorated the baby has become, so, in many cases when the miscarriage takes a long time to complete, the baby may not be found among everything else your body passes. And the thermometer was to make sure that I was still staying at a good temperature, and that I was not getting an infection. 

   I had thought to grab the phone on my way up the stairs to call my mid-wife, as she said she would come if I needed her, but I wanted to be alone. I needed to be alone.     

   
​    The pain was intense on and off, and I started passing fairly large blood clots as well as parts of the placenta. I started to panic a little because I didn't want to not recognize the baby from all the rest. I know that sounds strange and disturbing, but at the moment, it's all I was thinking. 

   I prayed that God would help me find the baby if that was best for me, and suddenly I felt enormous pressure through my pelvic bones, the pressure I recognized from having 3 healthy, full-term babies as "that feeling" when you need to push. I didn't need to push, but I did quickly reach my hand under myself, and catch a beautiful, perfect, tiny human into my hand.  It was around 7pm. 

   I gently set the baby into the lovely bowl I had, and tried to relax, realizing that my body wasn't finished. For an additional 3 hours my body worked through passing the placenta, which was in many pieces as it has begun to deteriorate. 

   My husband came home around 8:30, but because I had been on the toilet for the last few hours, the septic was blocked. If I wanted to flush the toilet anymore, or get into the shower to run the water on me to relax, he needed to fix the septic problem. I told him I needed the septic fixed, but that I also needed him to check in on me every now and then. 
   He got the problem fixed, and I remained in the bathroom, feeling numb from the pain, both physical and emotional, and also not knowing what to do next. 

  When I felt that my body was finished with the process, I decided I needed to really look at my baby. Maybe even see if I could tell the sex. 

   As I lifted the tiny body from the bowl, I could clearly see it was a he. He was so tiny, and just fit right into my hand. I looked at him, but I couldn't cry. I felt lost. But somehow, at the same time I felt peace knowing I had seen him. My wonderful sister had sent a necklace for me in the mail as soon as she found out I had miscarried. It arrived long before I had Abraham, but when I had him, I held that necklace up to his feet, and the size was just right. It was a perfect memory for me to carry around. 

   I put my little boy into the bowl I had bought for him. 

   On the Saturday we went out as a family and bought a red jade weeping flowering crabapple tree. We decided where we wanted to plant it; a spot we could see from the front porch, and a place that it looked like it belonged with us, with our family. 
 
​   We placed our little son into the earth, and the tree on top, as if he were the tree. It was a beautiful, sad, and peaceful ceremony with just Adam and I and the kids.
 
   We decided on the name Abraham because of of the promise God gives of hope, and a future. It just represents trusting in God and his will and plan for the lives of his children. And Abraham's faith in God was what I wanted, it's what I needed out of this situation. I needed to feel that if God spoke and said anything, I would hear Him, and do what he asked of me. 
   
    I felt haunted by our little Abraham. I felt like I could see him running down the halls and laughing. I imagined him playing outside with our toy tractors and cars. I missed this little man who no-one met, except me. My husband couldn't bring himself to see the baby, he didn't want to remember him in a sad way, more in just a memory of what might have been kind of way. It broke my heart, but I also understood completely. 
   
    A week later we went to see the mid-wives as a check-up and to talk about things. When  began describing what Abraham looked like, my mid-wife seemed concerned. She said, "you're sure you saw genitals?". Awkward question, but she wanted to know. I insisted I had, so she took out a diagram of a baby developing in the womb. She asked me to point to the image that looked most like Abraham, and it was the one closer to 14 weeks, not 11 weeks, the age we thought he was. Ultrasound measurements are generally accurate, but not always, as my mid-wife informed me. Because I was able to see my child and look at him closely, as well as remember how big he was in my hand, she said my dating would be more accurate than the ultrasound.
   
   The truth is, I've undergone a lot of healing since then. First I went even faith down than I thought possible, but now I'm looking up. I still think of Abraham often, I still haven't held any "Abraham babies" at church (the babies who would be his age, had he been full term), but I also don't cry when I see them.
   
    I am feeling a trust in God, and letting the hurt fade. I take things away from my kids all the time, for their own good. In the Bible, in Job 1:21, Job says, "Naked I came out of my mother’s womb, and naked shall I return depart. The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord." Do I like it? Not at all. Do I miss this little baby I got to carry for his entire life, and meet only to say goodbye? Of course I do. But my heart will choose to say, "blessed be the name of the Lord". 

  In sharing this story I hope to give direction to anyone gong through a similar situation. I hope to offer light at the end of what is a very long and dark tunnel. I wanted to say the name of my baby out loud, Abraham, and make him real, and alive. He died in the womb, but I don't need to keep him a secret. Him passing away was not my fault, and I won't act ashamed and quiet about the miscarriage because that's what we do as a society. He was a person who would have been a part of this family, but now he is only a part of our memories.  

   20 long days went by between getting the news I had miscarried and finally giving birth to the little boy I would never really know. I sat by his tree crying long into that Saturday night, mourning, mourning. I felt I would turn inside out with grief, like I would be choked by it. But time has passed, and a heart can heal, if it chooses to.    
   
​We will meet Abraham alive someday, when I get to meet my heavenly Father. I imagine Abraham and Ezra, our little family in heaven, ready to meet us. I look forward to that day so very much. 

xo

   Me and my mug cakes. I just love that I can whip up a nice warm treat with just enough for my one portion. Love it.
   I made a paleo chocolate mug cake a while back, and it's good and tasty too, but I wanted to experiment with texture and get a more fudgey-cakey feel, and less of a spongey-cakey feel. Like I said, both are good, but this one really hit the spot for me. 

(Another) Fudgey Paleo Chocolate Mug Cake

Ingredients:

• 1 Tbsp melted coconut oil (just warm it in the mug)
• 2 Tbsp maple syrup (or honey)
• 1/2 Tsp Vanilla
• Pinch of salt
• 1 Egg yolk (save the white to make this the next day if you want!) 
• 1 Tbsp Cocoa
• 3 Tbsp almond meal

Method:

1. Mix all wet ingredients together in the mug.
2. Add all the dry, and mix well.
3. Micro-wave for 45-50 seconds (I'm told my microwave is hot, so, start with this time, and stick a knife or a toothpick into the cake at this point to see if it comes out clean). You don't want to overcook a mug cake though, as the centre can get really dry.
4. Gobble it up! :)  

   It's crazy simple to make, and every time I make one, my first bite I always (out loud) say something like, "seriously, this is so good!". So, take that for what it's worth, and have a great weekend. 
   Peace out!

   I haven't written too many autism posts this summer, but I wanted to write one before the new school year started. A little re-cap of Caleb's summer; the good, the bad, and the ugly. As well as a look at what's coming next.

   For the most part, I would have to say this was Caleb's best summer ever. 
   He has come such a long way in the last few years, especially his verbal communication, and it made this summer seem easier. I think  his sisters being older (and a little more understanding of him) helped too. We also got our horse before the summer, and Caleb really enjoyed going and sitting out with the horse when he wanted to be alone. I think he appreciated the company that had no interest in verbally talking with him. 
   When we went places this summer, Caleb did his very best yet, hands down. By "his best" I mean he didn't run away and disappear, he didn't have a flailing kicking meltdown, he (tried his best to) use words to get his feelings across, and he had a good time! 
   Taking Caleb places in the past has always been a daunting task, and would honestly not be worth it half the time because it would end with Adam and I feel frustrated and having to leave where we were in a hurry (which, by the way made the girls cry, which added to the fun.)
   I am sitting here thinking back on this summer, and just being amazed. We went on many day trips, we travelled to see family, we spent lots of days at home doing nothing, we had people over, we had a birthday party, went to a birthday party, and he navigated his way through it all.

   Now, despite Caleb having the best summer he has ever had, there were some hairy parts. 
   One day we came home, and I (as I always do), had to tell Caleb to let his sisters out of the van first before he barrelled past them. He was getting agitated about it, and I asked if he needed to use the washroom and that's why he was in such a random hurry, but he yelled, "no!!", at me, so I told him that he just needed to let the girls out first then. And also to not be rude and yell at me, to which he said, "not to be rude and yell at Caleb!". Back talk. Perfect. 
   Anyway, he tried again to squish past the girls, and I said, "please sit in your seat", and he just started to loose it. I quickly got the girls out and told Caleb he needed to re-start before he got out of the van, and he acted like he calmed down little. I say acted because as soon as he jumped out of the van he just started screaming and he whipped his toys onto our porch, and really un-ravelling. 
   At this point Adam stepped in because he could see I was feeling un-ravelled myself because of the surprise nature of this meltdown. So, Adam told Caleb he needed to go to his room to calm down. To which Caleb screamed, "Dad will calm down at his room!!!", and ran up into his room and slammed the door. And slammed it again. Then he slammed it one more time. He likes to get his door slamming just right.
   Well, 30 minutes of screaming later, he stopped, and was laying in his bed crying. Like a boy just out of a trance and feeling lost and heartbroken at what he has just done.
   I'm still not sure why that melt-down started, but it was the worst one he and this summer. He had some other smaller versions (less screaming, shorter duration), but we could see the trail that led to them, so they didn't seem as bad, or like a set-back. 
   This last week or so he's been challenging again though. Just being rude, saying a lot of, "Caleb wants...", and "this is Caleb's!". I know he is 10 years old, I know he has come a long way, I know all the good things about him, but I sometimes have to remind myself that socially, he is about the same as his sisters; around 4 or 5.
   He will walk up to strangers to say, "I'm Caleb!" (which we've been trying to teach him is a more appropriate greeting than, "excuse me sir, hummingbirds have wings are so fast!". He'll say "sir" to a lady too. Oh yeah, that's not embarrassing {sarcasm, people|!). 
   His 4 year old sister, who we've also been trying to teach how to greet people by saying hello and her name (as a side note, we're not teaching them this to talk to strangers, but to appropriately talk to other children and safe adults), will do the same thing: walk up to a stranger and say, "hi! I'm Keziah!"-actually, it's more like "Kayiya" because she won't say her own name right, but that's a different story!
   The point is, he is doing things a four year old would do, and that still surprises me, and reminds me how much farther he needs to go. That thought can be overwhelming, but I know he is capable of getting where he needs to go in life because he is a fighter. 
   This summer, despite some speed bumps, has been his best. I know next summer will be even better. 

   This summer Caleb developed a love for hummingbirds. He insisted we get a feeder, and hang it outside of the window where he can see it as he eats his breakfast. He even spotted one on the hydro wire that comes directly to our house while we were sitting on the porch chatting with a friend.
   He spent a lot of time with the horse, loved feeding the chickens and collecting the eggs. He also loved chasing down and catching the hens who insisted on escaping! He loved jumping on the large round hay bales in our barn with his sisters, and would spend time jumping on the trampoline with them too.
   As for getting ready to go back to school, when I told him how many more days were left of summer, he was very excited about getting back to school. The last few weeks he has suddenly started talking about the school he went to for Kindergarten, a school he hasn't seen since we moved away from there (5 years ago!). He's been saying, "Caleb will go to college, and Caleb will teach kindergarten at Mountain Grove School!" (it's actually the Land O' Lakes Public School in Mountain Grove, but I can't believe he remembers it at all!). It's amazing to me that he's picked up on the idea of college (I think he got that from Toy Story 3), but that he also remembers kindergarten so fondly that he wants to go back there and be the kindergarten teacher! 
   This idea came to him on it's own, out of his own brain. And in the middle of summer! What 10 year old kid randomly thinks of going to college to become a teacher in the middle of their summer holiday?!? Love that nutty kid.
   Despite Caleb's setbacks and struggles due to autism, he has come to a place (thanks to amazing teachers and e.a's and principals!) where he looks forward to school with great anticipation.
   I look forward to it as well with that same anticipation. What will he learn this year? How much will he grow? Where will his struggles emerge, and what will he overcome?
   I have faith in Caleb's determination, I have faith in the amazing school we have him in, and the wonderful people who are charged with his care while he is there with them.
   A new school year to change and grow, and I look forward to seeing who Caleb has become at the end of this grade 5 road. Still himself, but stronger and smarter. One step closer to being all he can be.      
   

   Even though this hasn't been the coldest summer, I've still been using our bbq for anything and everything. Seriously, even if it's raining I will still use the bbq just out of stubbornness because it is the summer, and summer is for using the bbq, darn it! 
   Anyway, onto this 'pie'. It's really not a pie at all except that I made it in a pie plate. You really could make it in a casserole dish if you wanted, but that's totally up to you and if you prefer to eat food in a square or a triangle!

Spinach & Bacon Hamburger Pie

Ingredients:

• 6-7 Pieces of bacon, cooked and diced
• 1 lb ground beef
• 1 Tbsp each: garlic powder, paprika, dried mustard, and dried onion
  
• Salt & Pepper
• 1 Tbsp Franks Original Hot Sauce (or tomato paste)
• 1 Egg
  
• 2 Tbsp flax meal (or you could use almond meal. You could also use regular flour, if you're not paleo)
  
• 1 Cup spinach, thawed and drained, or fresh and well packed
  

As a "topping":

• 2 Eggs 
• 3 Tbsp milk (coconut, almond, or cows)

Method:

1. Heat bbq or oven to 400°F. Spray 9-inch glass pie plate with cooking spray or use your fingers to rub some olive or coconut oil around.
2. In a large skillet, start to cook beef over medium heat.
3. As the meat is cooking, and all the spices. Work the seasonings into the meat as it browns and you finish cooking it.
4. Remove meat from the heat when it's fully cooked, and stir in the Franks (or tomato paste), egg, the meal (whichever kind you choose), the spinach, and the diced bacon. Scoop this mixture into your prepared pie plate.
5. In a small bowl, whisk the 2 eggs and milk until blended. Pour over the meat mixture in the pie plate.
6. Bake about 25-30 minutes or until it doesn't jiggle, and a knife inserted in center comes out clean
7. Let sit for a few minutes before slicing and serving

   It really is a pretty simple meal to make. I generally make 2 pies, because we can eat almost one whole pie for dinner, and then I slice the second pie and put it into he fridge because it makes great leftovers for breakfast, lunch, or dinner. 
   Also, f.y.i., you can do all the prep on this ahead of time, then wrap it up tight and put it into the fridge until you're ready to put it into the oven or bbq. If you do this though, you'll need to put the pie into the bbq (or oven) as it warms because if you stick your cold glass pie plate into a hot anything it'll likely break! That would suck! So, you would just need to watch the cooking time a bit. 

   Well, that's it meat lovers! 
   I hope everyone has a great day!!! 

   I honestly cannot believe that school starts in a week! O.k, some schools already started this week, but it's just the French immersion losers. ;)  

   Anyway, I just wanted to put my 2 cents out into the blogosphere about getting ready for school, and how to make the first day (and the whole year) as stress-free as possible!   
​

   O.k., first things first-if you haven't done your back to school shopping, do it today!!! Seriously, the longer you wait, the more stressful the event will be because you will be competing with other last minute families! No fun! Some schools will give you a list of things kids will need (duo tangs, binders, or headphones as some examples), and some don't. If you didn't get a list, there are 3 basic things you'll need until you get some specifics. A backpack and lunch bag (obvi), but something you may not know your child needs is indoor shoes. Non-marking soles are a must, and be sure they are velcro (for younger children) so your child's poor teacher isn't having to stop to help your child get their shoes on! 
​
   There is this thing about kids having a new first day of school outfit. I like to get my kids a new outfit, but part of it is because they've grown so much over the summer that they need a few new things. But can I say that new to you does not need to be brand new? Don't let some bizarre, social pressure make you think you need to buy new clothes for the new school year. Most people don't know what you already owned, so it's all new to them! Hit up a few second hand stores (& pop some tags...) and you're bound to find some good, gently used clothes that will be serviceable and that your kids will love. Alright, moving on!   

     Another thing you can/should do this week to get ready is to get your homemade foods ready. Homemade granola bars, muffins (make 'em mini as kids rarely can eat a whole regular sized muffin), or single serve soup (make a batch of soup, and divide it into separate kid-sized portions to freeze) can all be made ahead and stored in the freezer. It'll save you money, and you'll feel better knowing what's in your kids food! 
   So, speaking of food for lunches, this next idea may sound anal, but it works for me! In the same way as I make a weekly menu for the whole family and our dinners, I also have a menu for the kids' lunches (though it's not a changing menu as our dinner one is). Some of my friends find this idea stressful, but I enjoy it. Like I've said about other ideas on this blog, these are my thoughts and ideas, and if they help you, hooray!! If not, that's o.k. too! Anyway, the idea behind a lunch menu was to help me feel like I was giving the kids a good variety of food, and that I was keeping it simple-by making a menu. 
   
    The menu is divided into the days of the week, then each day has five sections: main (sandwich, muffin, wrap, leftover pizza or homemade pizza bun, Caleb even got a g.f. doughnut in his menu last year!), protein (cheese, yogurt, rolled lunch meat, hardboiled egg, cold chicken drumstick, etc.), fruit & veg (you can figure this one out), 'snackie' (popcorn, crackers, pretzels, etc.), and a treat (granola bar, cookie, marshmallows, etc.). I need to update my menu from last year as I have a newbie starting school this year, and also the kids have changed their tastes, and I want the menu to reflect that.        
​

   So, having this menu helps me quickly pack lunches because I've taken the stand and stare into the fridge part out of it. Even though I have a menu, I do give it some flexibility based on if there are leftovers from dinner, or if we had a birthday party and there is leftover cake that would make a fun treat in a lunch. And even though there is a menu, I let the kids help me pack the lunches so they know what they're getting.   
   
    Do whatever you want to do for making a menu or not, but my biggest advice about lunches is to to make lunches the night before!
  Just do it!!! :)  
 
    The mornings of school can be a wee bit nutty, and adding a distracted parent trying to mindfully pack a healthy and tasty lunch is not a good part of that equation!
   
​    Another thing that I like to do at night after I've packed the lunches is to set the back pack (s) out. Either on the dining room chairs, or if you have an entryway with a spot for each child's coat and shoes, just put the backpack out there. It may seem a little pointless, but having it in view reminds you what may need to be added to it (a permission slip, a library book, whatever), and it also makes it visible for your child so that once you've handed them their lunch, they can put it into their bag (without calling, "where's my back pack???"). Then send 'em out the door!

   Now, if you're like me, you like to get your kids first day of school photo. Again, do it however you want (or don't do it at all!), but I saw and liked the idea of writing down what grade the child was going into, and what year it was on a page for the child to hold in the photo. I used a cute little chalk board I own, but you could literally just use a marker and write on regular paper to do this. It's just a quick way to remember exactly which year the photo is from (instead of hoping the time stamp on the photo is correct, or guessing based on the outfit or what house you were living in-which is what I did for years!). If the idea of squeezing a photo in the morning of that first day back seem stressful, do it a day or two before. Seriously! 
   
    Just put the kids into the clothes they will wear, hand them the piece of paper with the grade and year on it, and take the picture! They won't change so much in the few days leading to school that the photo won't be valid, so go ahead and pre-photo the first day of school! It'll also make a funny story for them to tell when they grow up. :)     
​

  Alright, so this next thought is a whole school year kind of thought, but breakfast....keep it simple!
   
   When I was growing up, we would get called down to breakfast, and whatever my Dad had made, we were eating! I'm from a very large family, so there was no, "what would you like for breakfast?", "what would you like for breakfast?" being heard. My Dad making breakfast for us saved a lot of time. I do the same now with my kids. I actually can't remember if I've ever asked my kids what they want for breakfast...I know, I'm so mean.
   
   I do a rotating breakfast: cereal, toast and yogurt, cereal, toast and yogurt, cereal, pancakes for Saturday, then toast and yogurt again for Sunday-then I start all over! If you child likes oatmeal or some other quick breakfast, add that into the mix. We'll also add low-maintainance (doesn't require serious prep work like, for example, a mango!) fruits into the breakfasts if the kids say they are still hungry. We eat eggs and bacon around here regularly as a dinner, so I never worry about it as a breakfast. The key is simple, quick options that get your kids fuelled for the day-withuot causing stress and making them miss the bus! 
​   
   Oh, I can hear some people now, "but how will my child learn to make decisions if I don't let them decide what they want for breakfast?". They'll figure it out, they should have other choices they need to make in a day that will be more important, so don't sweat it! I promise this will make life easier!

   Alright, my last bit of advice....wake the kids up early! O.k, not too early, but give yourself more time than you think you need to get them ready and out the door.

   I wake my kids up an hour before the bus is due to arrive. That's about 10 minutes for brushing hair and teeth, half an hour for getting dressed and eating breakfast, 10 minutes for getting on coats and shoes (this takes more and less time depending on which season it is), then 10 minutes of buffer time, incase something takes longer than it should have. 

   It honestly ruins my day when I have slept through my alarm clock and I have to rush and "Mom yell" (oh, you know that yell. You're not really yelling, you're just doing that "huuuurrrrry uuuupp!" through your teeth kind of yelling) at my kids to hurry the heck up! I want to be patient and kind to them on the way out the door, instead of momzilla! Seems reasonable enough to me! 

   O.k. I think that's all I have to say about that! I'm sure I have more things I would like to say, but this is probably sufficient! 
​
   I hope that if you have kids you're sending off to school that some of these tips will help you. There will likely be some speed bumps here and there, and that's o.k. Just be prepared as much as you can be, and be ready to be flexible too, as the need arises!  
    

   So, how 'bout this cold summer we're having?!? O.k, so I don't know where all of you are from, but here in Ontario it's been a rainy, breezy, cool and more like a mix between spring and fall. 
   Anywho, I'm back, in case you wanted to know. :)  It's been weird but nice to put this blog aside for a few weeks and just enjoy family visiting, and taking it easy. So now I have no family visiting, no plans to go away, and one last week of summer before school starts, so we're hunkering down! Ahhh!!! 
   To get some summer in before it's gone, be sure to make some homemade popsicles! I made some earlier in the summer, but with the rest of the summer being so derned cold, we sort of forgot to do it anymore! But, luckily when you have a 5 and a 4 year old in the house, they ask (and ask, and ask....) if we can make popsicles again! So, here's another recipe we tried together that was really yummy, and a big hit. 

Pina Colada Popsicles

Ingredients:

• 1/4 Cup coconut fat from a can of coconut milk
• 1/2 Cup coconut milk from a can (if you've shaken your can....which I often do...just combine the measurements from the coconut fat and this milk for a total of 3/4 cup).
• 1/2 Banana
•  3/4 Cup fresh diced pineapple

(Makes about 2 cups)

Method: 

1. Put everything into the blender, and whirl it up real good! :)  
2. Pour into popsicle moulds, and place into the freezer until solid. 
3. Once they are set and frozen, take out of the freezer and run some water over the mould to slightly loosen the popsicles before removing them from the mould. 
4. Enjoy! 

   Well, this is a pretty easy, no brainer "recipe" for today, but I hope you enjoy it, and I hope someone out there in the www is happy that I am back! :)

   Well, it's no secret I love to celebrate my kids birthdays, and I like to run with the theme they give me. I plan ahead, get lots of the work done ahead of time, and assume it'll all come together in the end. 
   Perhaps I will share some of the behind the scenes of the makings of this and that, but for now, I will just tell you about this day.
   This Buzz Lightyear party for Caleb was different than my usual parties...it was humbling....it was truly a flop. Although, it was also a success. Allow me to explain.

   Months ago we went internet searching for a new Buzz Lightyear toy for Caleb. He has autism and has been obsessed with Buzz for months (and months!), and asked for his party to be a Buzz Lightyear from Toy Story II with a new utility belt party (hilariously specific, I know). So, we were hunting for this Buzz Lightyear with the blue utility belt, and found one at a good price, and bought it off eBay. After we had purchased it the seller e-mailed to say he accidentally underestimated the shipping and we owed him another 20 pounds (it was from England). Um, heck no. We got out of that, and managed to find another Buzz on eBay...who showed up and wasn't working, and the seller was a complete jerk about it! We did end up getting this Buzz working (thank the Lord!), but this Buzz not working, and seller being a jerk thing happened 4 days before the party, so I was getting a little anxious.
   We were also looking for a costume to buy him because he wanted everyone to dress up for his party, and he had been talking endlessly about dressing up like Buzz. So, we found a Buzz Lightyear costume (again, on eBay), it got to us, I opened the package....it was a size 4. Caleb turned 10. Grrrrrr........
   I e-mailed the seller back, who was kind and very apologetic. We sent it back to her, and found another costume on eBay that arrived 5 days before the party. It was the right size (phew).     

   We have rented a waterslide bouncy castle for Caleb's parties the last few years because they have always been worth he rental as the day is hot, and the kids stay so busy and happy. This year we were told they couldn't pick it up at the end of the day (unless we wanted to pay another $75!), which meant hubby was driving 2 hours that day, just to pick it up and drop it off. 
    The weather report said a 30% chance of rain, and it was for the evening (after the party). Mmmmm, let's see what really happened...the party started at 2, and it began raining right around then....and kept raining until most of the guests had left. 30% in the evening? More like 100% all day, then a 30% chance in the evening!
   Oh, what else.....oh yes! We had planned on making our own burgers to save some moo-la, but the ground chicken and turkey we had were more like cat food, and refused to be shaped into anything, not even a humble burger paddy! So, an hour before the party the hubster was picking up a bag of pre-made burgers from a local butcher. 
  And the most epic fail of the party was my cakes! Holy jumpin'!!!
  I had made them the day before (as I always have), and stuck them into the freezer to keep them until the party (as I always do). I will generally pull the cakes out a few hours before it needs to be served to make sure it has thawed sufficiently, and I did just that. But, I'm not sure if it was the rain, or just the crap luck we'd been having, but the black buttercream I had used as trim started to melt and run.....and melt and run some more...then the fondant got sweaty and sticky....perfect!!! It was like a horror film version of Buzz Lightyear....it was terrifying.....terrifying!!!!

   Now that I'm done whining about all the serious failing that happened for this event, I will tell you why it was also actually a success.
   For starters, Caleb was sooooo crazy thrilled with his costume. So, so, so very excited.
   Secondly, he loved his Buzz and had no clue it was such a stressful ordeal getting it here! 
   Third, the kids that came to the party had fun doing anything and nothing! Some played (and froze) out on the waterside bouncy castle, some just had fun on our front porch blowing bubbles and playing with our outdoor trucks and toys. At one point Caleb and a few other kids were just plunked in the living room watching Toy Story II! 
   Fourth, my sister (and her family) were visiting leading up to the party and helped with the grab bags and decorations for the party. And they looked great! 
   Fifth, the parents (our friends) are the best!!! They were easy going and laid back and were o.k. with all the chaos that ensued when there was 21 kids (aged 1-10) running around he house and front porch like a bunch of wild dogs! They were helpful, encouraging, and turned a blind eye to the terrifying cakes I was about the serve the children! haha.....oh man, the cakes...
   And sixth...the cakes still tasted good. Apparently people will eat cake almost no matter what!  :)  
   Oh, and my chocolate dipped Rice Krispie stars worked out perfectly.     
   ....And Caleb had a great time. This is really (and obviously) the most important thing. If he wasn't having an awesome day I likely would have lock myself in the bathroom for a good cry. A really good cry!

   So, for real, this was a truly humbling experience. 
   I like order, and things being predictable, and planning and working it out, and having it be just so, and just as I imagined it. 
   I got basically none of those things!
   What I did get though was a day to make Caleb's wee heart so happy with his friends around him. A day where Caleb was dressed as his ultimate favourite character, and playing with a toy he has been watching on YouTube for months. A day of chaos and friendship, of rain and mud. I got a good anger management day by having friends who didn't care about all the failures leading up to (and during) the party. 
   And at the end of the day, my wonderful son with autism who's birthday parties have not always been the best because he got too overwhelmed and would fall apart, managed to rolled with the punches, he stayed happy and positive, and shone bright all day! Who needs the sun for a summer birthday party when you've gone a beaming Caleb!!! :)     

   Well, hello there!
   We've had a bit of a whirlwind week with family over (10 extra people at one point!), and now we're gearing up for Caleb's birthday party tomorrow. Then on Monday we have more family visiting! Oh, and this visitor is bringing us another horse! Yowza. 
   Anywho, a crock pot recipe in the middle of summer may seem odd....but where I live, it's been fairly chilly most days, and I wanted something comforting. Also, cold or not, we still like to head out and do things that are fun, and coming home to dinner is the best, no matter the season. 
   This slow cooker orange chicken is as basic as it gets, but you could add chopped celery, broccoli, whatever the 'usual' things are that you might find in the take-out version of it. 

Slow Cooker Orange Chicken

Ingredients:

• 2 Chicken breasts, cut into 1 inch cubes
• 1 Onion, diced
• 1 Tbsp grated ginger (or 1 tsp dried)
• 1 large orange, zested (not a real word, fyi), and juice squeezed out, about 1/4 cup of juice. If you don't have a real orange you can skip the zest and use store bought orange juice.
• 3 Cloves crushed and sliced garlic
• 1/4 cup Chicken stock (broth)
• 1 Tsp chili flakes
• 1/2 Tsp apple cider vinegar
• 3 Tbsp honey or maple syrup
• 1/2 Tsp paprika
• 2 Tsp Sesame Oil
  
• 1 Tbsp sesame seeds (optional)

Method:

1. Place chicken breast pieces into the bottoms of a large crock pot (a 4 quart).
2. Combine all other ingredients, except for the sesame oil and sesame seeds (if using).
3. Pour the mix over the chicken breasts, and toss 'em a bit to combine the chicken and sauce together. 
4. Turn slow cooker onto high for 2-3 hours, or low for 4-6 hours. 
5. When the chicken is ready, stir the sesame oil (and seeds if using) into the chicken.
6. Serve over rice (if not paleo), or eat as it is, with a side of salad or steamed asian veggies (or whatever veggies you want!). 

   Well, that's it! 
   I need to be doing a lot of other things right now, so I'm signing off! Have a great weekend, and I'll be back sometime next week! :)  

   I think if Charles Dickens had known about s'mores, this is what Oliver Twist would have said to Limbkins (the head honcho at the workhouse)
   This, of course, is a wee little joke brought to you by the super cheesy home-schooler side in me. But, to you who know me, I do love (loooooove) s'mores, and wanted to post some of the most amazing s'more inspired ideas  on the world-wide-interweb. 
   You're welcome  :)

   Cooking Classy has a beautiful, and so delicious looking idea of using soft chocolate chip cookies in place of the graham crackers in these s'mores.....yes please! Click here to see her post. 

   This recipe is craaa-zy! You will be doing things you never thought you would to french toast, but trust me, you will be pleased with the s'morey, gooey, tasty results. Click here to visit BS' In the Kitchen 

   I hate this beautiful Fat Girl Trapped in a Skinny Body and her amazing cake! Wowwy wow wowwers!!! She warns you at the beginning of the post:
Here's what you'll find in this cake:
2 Brownie layers
2 Cheesecake layers
2 Chocolate chip cookie layers
5 Graham crackers (as a cake layer)
1 Recipe for marshmallow frosting
1 Recipe for chocolate frosting 

Click here if you dare!  :)  

   Shop girl has the right idea making these fantastically easy s'more squares. So tasty. So easy to make. Hazaa. Looky-loo here for the recipe. 

   Here's a delight of my own, my s'more Chocolate Bar Pie. For realz people, it's the BEST! The inside is stuffed with marshmallows and chocolate, but also chopped up chocolate bars. And the crust is a super yumm-o soft graham crust. Not to toot my own horn or anything....travel this way to see the recipe.  

   Well, I have family visiting this week, so I may be fairly absent (again). And this week is also leading up to the epic event of the summer-the Toy Story 2, Buzz Lightyear new utility belt birthday party! O.k, I don't think it's that exciting, but my fantastic son with autism has been talking and talking about this party since...oh, I dunno, I'm gonna say December? Maybe earlier? I can't be sure now it's been so darned long! 
   Anyway, I hope you all had a great weekend, and have a great week too! 

   One late night, I was pursuing one of my fav foodie sites, FoodGawker, and I saw something magical....bacon wrapped onion rings.....mmmmmm.....
   The next day (when I wasn't tired and hungry for everything), I looked at the recipe again. I decided I didn't want to deep fry them (though I still do want to make the paleo onion rings in the batter from that blog-which I will have to fry), so I started looking for other versions of this. I found this one, but this guy is hardcore, and uses a smoker which I for sure don't own! 
   So, as a food loving' blogger I decided I would just figure it out (gosh, it's bacon and onions, how hard could it be!?) and give it a shot! 

BBQ'd Bacon Wrapped Onion Rings 

Ingredients:

• 2 large onions (I've only tried with spanish onions, but try whatever you want!), skins removed
• Bacon! Alright, seriously, it takes me about 1 bacon slice per ring. Bacon can be different lengths though, so just have a whole pack ready! 
• Skewers

Method:

1. Heat your bbq to medium (that's about 400 degrees on my bbq)
2. Slice the onion into at least 1 inch thick slices. Carefully push the rings apart, leaving 2 together for strength. You may only end up with a dozen onion rings once they are all sliced and separated because you can't/don't want to use rings that are too small.
3. Start to wrap (as tight as you can without ripping your bacon) your onion rings. Be sure to wrap on an angle so that the bacon goes a long way. Some of the larger rings require 1 1/2 pieces of bacon. 
4. Finish by gently sliding a skewer through the onion ring to secure the bacon. Make sure you skewer at the place you finished wrapping your bacon to secure the end. Leave a long "tail" on your skewer to use as a handle to pick up and flip your rings
5. Place onto the top rack of the hot grill, close the lid, and let them cook for about 20 minutes. Check them at the 10 minute mark to be sure you don't have any flare-ups (though on the upper rack of a bbq, it shouldn't be an issue)
6. After 20 minutes, flip the rings over, and cook an additional 20-25 minutes, until the bacon looks nice and crispy. 
7. Remove from bbq, and enjoy! 

   I made the mistake of giving some of these to my kids who LOVED them! I say it was a mistake because I had hoped they wouldn't like them and I wouldn't have to share.....hungry, greedy Mom moment....  

   Anywho, you will want to make these (well, unless you're my lovely, beautiful, vegetarian sister!). They take a bit of work to wrap, but they are worth it! They would make an impressive meaty add-on to a dinner with guests (you can prep them ahead of time). Think grilled chicken breast (or a whole chicken), roasted potato, a big salad, and bacon wrapped onion rings. Yumm-o. Good dinner. Hey, how about all the links in this post! Sheesh. 
   Okey dokey, have a great weekend everyone!