Bushel & A Peck
  • Blog
  • Health & Fitness
  • Artist Biography
  • Paintings
  • Photography
  • Drawings, etc.
  • About Me
  • Contact Me






Feeling Blue

12/3/2013

3 Comments

 

   Truth be told, this is an odd post. 

   I kept thinking about it, and wondering why I would want to do this post. I feel the answer came to me last night, and it was simply, because I need to process.
Picture
Brand new puppies.
   
   On June 7th, our lovely purebred lab gave birth to 8 puppies. One was a stillborn, and she also had another stillborn almost 24 hours later. So, 9 pups in total, but 7 for us to have for now. I was surprised at how well our lab was doing with everything. I know there is some instinct stuff that kicks in, but still, I was impressed. 
​
Picture
How could you not love these puppies?

   So, where this story is a little odd is in how much I loved these puppies. I generally am not a big puppy lover, but I loved these pups. 

    A part of my life leading up to our dog having puppies was the fact that I had 2 late term miscarriages. I will speak about this more at a later time, but for now let me just say that I was in a very dark place, and was not coping well, and these puppies became my babies. These pups were born just a few weeks before what was to be my due-date for the second baby I lost. So, I sat and cried with our lab when she had the stillborns, and pet her, and was her telling her how good of a job she had done with the whole process. I was her mid-wife. I was using her and her puppies to make me feel better.
​
Picture
Blue at 5 weeks old
    Herein lies the mystery to why we ended up keeping one dog named Blue. Blue is not the smartest, but he is so smart. He is not the cutest, but he is really cute. I fell in love with Blue, and as each puppy was sold, I would cry, and actually miss that one puppy who had left, but I was also feeling a little happy that no-one had chosen Blue. Out of all the puppies, Blue had become the one that I really loved, as my surrogate baby. 

     Fast forward a few months, and Blue is every bit a puppy, is so wonderful with the  kids, and is so anxious to please. But I have been trying to deal with life, and suddenly see Blue for what he is, and not what I wanted him to be. He can make me so angry with the puppy things he does like ruining my slippers, and jumping onto our fake-leather couch and putting claw marks into it (aka-holes that my children will now pick away until the couch is ruined). But, he is just a puppy, after all.      
Picture
Blue and the girls
   
​    He won't be my little son and daughter that I lost. He could be a part of the family, but not the way I needed him to be. It all sounds selfish now, and a lot more crazy, but I warned you this post was odd. 

    On Sunday a family is coming to take Blue, and make him part of their family, as a dog. I am honestly really happy for Blue, and for this family because he is really such a sweet puppy. But I am still struggling with the idea that I mothered, and loved on this puppy to fill a hole in me, and now I am sending him away. It genuinely feels like I am sending my child away.     

Picture
Little boy Blue
   
​   As I write this, I can't quite pin-point how I am feeling. I feel like letting Blue go is like telling myself it is o.k. to let go, and move on. Will I forget my 2 children that I don't get to kiss, and hold? Definitely not. Will I ever forget Blue? Never. But can I think of them all being happy, and better off where they are? For sure. I am moving on. A new life for Blue, and for me. 


3 Comments
Sarah
12/3/2013 02:35:27 am

truly touching, thinking of you!

Reply
Jessie
12/4/2013 10:22:15 am

tears...thanks for your honesty

Reply
Gracie
12/4/2013 10:03:50 pm

agree with the tears..much love xo

Reply



Leave a Reply.



    Welcome To
     Bushel &
    A Peck!

    Hi, I'm Amy-Lyn!

    Picture
    I am the lady behind this here blog! I live in the sticks with my animals, my super handsome husband, and my
    ​ 3 amazing kids! 
    Here you'll find things from recipes (gluten-free, paleo, and strait up junk food!), DIY ideas, thoughts on raising a son with autism, and whatever else pops into my brain! : )  

    Read more about me by clicking here!

    Want to Stay Connected?

    RSS Feed


    Subscribe to my mailing list!

    * indicates required

    Find What
    ​You're Looking For on the Site!



    Vitacost.com

     Most Popular Posts

    Meat & Potato Casserole
    Gluten-Free Meat & Potato Casserole
    Picture
    D.I.Y Tea Cup Bird Feeder
    Picture
    Mini Caprese Kabobs

    Featured in The Huffington Post

    Picture
    Paleo Double Chocolate Avocado Cookies

    Featured in Woman's Day

    Picture
    Chicken Bundles


    Categories

    All
    Antiques
    Autism
    Birthday
    Breakfast
    Chocolate
    Dessert
    Diy
    Family
    Five Minute Friday
    Giveaway!
    Gluten Free
    Health-fitness
    Lunch/Dinner
    Miscarriage
    Motivational Monday!
    Muffins
    My Thoughts...
    Nifty Ideas
    Paleo
    Primal
    Recipes
    Sandwiches
    Soup
    Tea Party


    Some of my favourite products! 


    Archives

    September 2017
    August 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    January 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    May 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    December 2014
    November 2014
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    February 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013

    my foodgawker gallery
  • Blog
  • Health & Fitness
  • Artist Biography
  • Paintings
  • Photography
  • Drawings, etc.
  • About Me
  • Contact Me