Health & Fitness: My Story (the short version!)

   I'm finally doing it! I'm starting my 'health & fitness' page and posts that I've been talking about forever!!! 

   It seemed fitting to start this today because today is my 2 year blogiversary (ok, well, technically, it was yesterday....)! Woot woot! I can't believe I've been writing here (mostly to myself....) for this long! My first post ever was about my son's Larry The Cucumber Cake, and last year for my first Blogiversary I posted about My Favourite Things from that first year of blogging.

    Today I'm excited about starting this new phase in my life (and the blog's life!) and sharing about another part of me-my love of health & fitness! I am using a lot of exclamation marks!!!! Haha

   So, for my first ever health & fitness post, I wanted to share (a short version of) my story of how I went from my heaviest (not including my pregnant weights! Those were dooozies! I got to 200 lbs for my third pregnancy!), to my leanest and fittest. 
  

Sweaty, fit, & healthy!

   It all started in March 2014, I had reached a serious breaking point; spiritually, emotionally, and physically. My faith in God and his purpose for me, as well as my belief of his love for me had faded and was weak. Emotionally I was a wreck...maybe happy-ish, but mostly a loose cannon. Flying off the handle at the slightest irritation, constant anxiety so I felt like I couldn't breath, and dark and awful thoughts about myself and my role in the grand scheme of the world. And physically, I was going down hill fast. I was steadily putting on weight (eating whatever the heck I wanted made that easy!); I was so out of shape, even simple things seemed difficult (walking up the stairs to our second floor, for instance). I was so wildly uncomfortable in my own skin...I wanted to rip off the excess flesh that was around me. It made me uncomfortable, self-conscious, and really unhappy with how I looked.
   
   Each thing bled into the other...I was unhappy and felt lonely and un-lovable and stopped caring about myself, so I ate. As I ate, I got fatter, so I felt more unhappy, more lonely, and more un-lovable.
   
   I couldn't get my act together. I would think, "this week, I'm doing it! I'm going to (fill in the blank with whatever diet I thought might do the trick) and loose 10 pounds this week!!! This always failed (really? I know, you're shocked!), and made me more depressed about who I had become. Fat & grumpy. Really grumpy....
   
   Go back a few years in my life to where my husband and I went through a really hard time, including 2 mis-carriages; one at 16 weeks, and the other at 20 weeks. I hadn't put on much weight during the actual pregnancies, but I sure did afterwards. We had other major issues that were weighing us down too. And to top those things off.....I went mad. Not angry mad (though I was often angry), but crazy, stark-raving-mad. I couldn't sleep. I had constant anxiety, I felt paranoid about everything and everybody. I felt such a deep loneliness that crept into my every part of me and threatened to pull me apart. I was at my worst. 

    I finally (through the course of a couple of terrible months) met with a psychiatrist, and was diagnosed with a Borderline Personality Disorder and Bi-Polar II. 
   
   Though the story of my diagnosis of a Borderline Personality Disorder and Bi-Polar II is another matter, I knew that if there was ever a time to get back into shape physically, it would be while my brain and hormones were being healed through medication. I ended up on a mood stabilizer (Lamotrigine), and dug down deep for some motivation and determination to turn my life around.

Christmas 2013, not at my heaviest yet, but slowly getting there. I would start my health & fitness journey 3 months after this

   The day I started my meds on March 17th, 2014, I also started working out and eating clean (I'll talk more about my exercise and eating as time goes on).

    I don't remember giving myself any specific details regarding my 'plan', especially when it came to working out.....but I knew myself enough to know that if I said I'd workout 3 times a week, it would turn into 1 time a week. So, I set out to workout everyday (with Sunday as the only break) and thought that way if I wimp out one or two days, I'd still have done 3-4 workouts that week. The times I worked out changed, sometimes in the morning, sometimes afternoon, and sometimes in the evening (p.s.-don't ever think there is a "bad time" to work out!!! Just workout when you can!).

   I also gave myself a really realistic workout time to meet--just ten minutes. Ten minutes? Yup!  Doing 10 minutes of a high intensity interval training (HIIT) workout can knock you out! Trust me! After a few weeks, I wanted to do more than 10 minutes! I know, it's crazy! So, after my 10 minute HIIT, I'd add on 10 minutes of abs or arms or something, then I started adding on stretching. I knew my mood was changing because I felt less anxious, had more stable energy, and I looked forward to these exercise moments; I waited and wanted them to happen. My brain was changing, my body was changing, I felt like all the crazy pieces of me were gathering together to become one again.

   The story is a long, hard one. But, also now, looking back....it seems short. I see who I am today (spiritually, emotionally, and physically) and am so grateful. Grateful for people who post ars-kicking workouts on YouTube for free (my entire transformation took place in my tiny living room, & in my back yard {well, and in my kitchen too!}). Grateful to people who share their lives and struggles on their websites and blogs to inspire others to do the same, and grateful that my husband loved me at what was my worst, and loves me the same now! 

   I will get into more detail as time goes on about what I did, and how I got back on track. Truth is, it scares me to start this. To start a "health & fitness" page/blog because it makes me accountable. I don't want to fail, and wake up one morning a year from now, 2 years, 3....and realize I'm back to being a miserable, overweight grump. But I am choosing to put myself out there, to show my struggles, my delights, my tips and tricks, and some seriously sweaty selfies! 

My weight loss transformation

   On March 17th, 2014 I started at 170 lbs (considered "overweight" for my height according to the Body Mass Index chart). 16 weeks later, by July 5th, 2014 I was at 130 lbs (considered a "normal" BMI). Two big thumbs up to crazy hard work!

    I've been down to 124 lbs since (during the 3 week run of the musical I was in where I was working harder than usual), and have also gone up to 135 lbs (10 days away visiting family at Christmas time!), and am currently floating around 135-138. But I always tell myself that my body is not a machine that is simply built, and never changes. It is a real thing; changing, adapting to the situations I'm putting it in, and so I show myself grace.

   The real issue I have, whether I'm fit or not, is loving myself, no matter how I look. That is a daily struggle, but I am committed to this cause. I want my daughters to love themselves no matter what, and I am their example.
  
   Getting into shape is hard work, don't kid yourself, but it is so worth it! Be prepared to sweat! Be prepared to cry, and maybe even barf! Kick your own ass for being lazy and an over-indulger! Be your own accountability! Feeling strong and healthy is amazing!     

Yoga Master. Haha ok, I am anything but a master, but I do really love it, and have worked hard on some of those tricky poses!

   I hope and pray that as the posts un-fold here I can be fire for your feet to start moving! That I give you the opportunity to start changing, but knowing that change is a process of 2 steps forward, and one step back, then to get back moving forward again, with more passion than ever!   

   Whenever I think of my "bushel & a peck" (which just refers to measurements), I feel so blessed to be able to share my life with people from all around the world! I am far from a "popular" blog, but here in my tiny corner of the world wide web I have a bushel & a peck of things to share with whoever is willing to listen! I love all the things you'll find by clicking around my site: painting, photography, baking and cooking, my kids, and now adding a new bushel; health & fitness. 

   Please stick with me here, let's encourage each other, support each other, and share with each other!​


​xoxo