Am I the only one who can go through life without consciously letting things impact me? I am being serious....Sometimes I feel so disconnected and cold because I know a season has gone by, and I just let it come and go without stopping to see it or feel it.
Maybe some of the things I forget though are things I didn't realize I should be remembering, if that makes sense? I went away this weekend, and had an experience that made me stop and say, "what am I tucking away in my memory, what am I learning right now, who am I in this present moment before this present is my past?". All of these questions and thoughts came to me because I went to an alumni reunion at the Circle Square Ranch in Brantford. Back in 1996 and 1997 I started going with one of my sisters to the Ranch; I wasn't on staff, but I would go and help out. Then, in 1999 I started my first year as a staff member. I worked there in the summers and off seasons until 2006, at which point my husband, our young son Caleb and I went to a Circle Square in Kirkland Lake, then the following summer we moved to Bancroft. At this reunion, even though I didn't see all the people I had hoped to, I did see a lot of people who have been a big part of my life-I just didn't realize it until I saw them again. Seeing how much time has passed, and how old I am now compared to then could have made me depressed, but it really just made me feel happy about my life. In my current role as a stay-at-home Mom, life revolves around my home. Fixing ouchies, jumping on the trampoline, reading stories, saying prayers, making meals & lunches, doing laundry, tidying, cleaning, getting projects done, it is an amazing job, but also one that can make you forget you ever did anything else before it! So, taking a trip to a place where I spent almost ⅓ of my life really hit me. I honestly had to stop myself from crying a few times. Not because I was sad at all, but because I was feeling so overwhelmed with looking back. I felt so very humbled knowing how many kids had come through the camp, had come to know Jesus, seeing current staff members that had been campers "back in my day", and feeling so much purpose from the role I got to play in all of it. I had a few opportunities to talk to staff from my years at the ranch, but also to talk to some of my old (horseback) riding students, who had become staff later on, and the stories they remembered about me as their teacher were overwhelming (and a little scary!). But as we drove away from Brantford, I said to my husband, "I don't want to live life thinking nothing....I want to remember right now, I want to cherish right now". There is a fine balance between looking back, and looking forward. I need to be able to see ahead, to make plans, to prepare, to have dreams about what is to come. But, I also need to stop, and see where I am right now, and take a "mental picture", and tuck it away in my heart. Then I also need to be able to see where I've come from, what has shaped me and impacted me, and see how who I was then, and who I knew, and what I did (or didn't do), shaped me for today. Those years at the ranch seemed long (and hot and dusty!). I don't remember ever thinking, "oh man, I just need to get out of here!", but I also don't remember making any connections, purposely tucking lessons or people or experiences away in my heart. I want to do that now; I got a glimpse into my past this weekend, and it held a lot of treasures. I just wish I had seen a lot of these treasures then. Treasures aren't always things that are good at that time, but they are lessons, life shapers, character builders. So today, wherever you are, whatever kind of life you currently have, take stock of your treasures. Learn lessons well, cherish the people who are in your life right now. Sometimes things are so hard, but just know there are seasons, and it will pass. What will you learn from it? Looking back can give you a view of the road you've travelled, and humble you. Taking stock of today can help you smile more, perhaps cry more, maybe give a few more hugs, say a few more honest things. Know that this day will someday be your past and your legacy, that is being left behind you. Then look ahead, knowing things will be different, a new part of your life be be in motion, the people, places and things behind you have shaped you, and prepared you for the road you are about to travel.
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We live on the outskirts of a town that meets all our basic needs: a pharmacy, grocery store, hardware store, a health/bulk food store, library and post office, some 2nd hands stores, and even a fantastic bakery. For the most part, we can get what we need in our little town. But groceries, oh man, buying all of your groceries in a small town is bad (the only time it won't be as bad is when there are 2 stores, because then they at least try to have competitive prices)! I'll stop in when I need to pick something up quickly, but otherwise, we have our grocery day when we're in Belleville, a city about 30-40 minutes away. On Sunday's after church, we head on over to noFrills with our menu and our list, and get 'er done. Wow, that slightly off-track intro was all to say...when you're "in town", it can be really easy to stop in someplace for fast-food. Fast-food is obviously super unhealthy (even the 'healthy' choices aren't really that great), but worse than that, it can be a ridiculous expense! If a family of 5 (with kids old enough to want a meal) went to a drive-through only once a week, by the end of the month they would have spent $80-$100 dollars!!! Maybe to some people that doesn't seem like a lot of money, but seriously, that's just ridiculous. I know of people who "can't afford" do anything or go anywhere in the summer as a family, but they eat out (which is way more expensive) and drive-through once or twice a week. If they saved that drive-through money every month starting in September, by July they would have $900-$1000 (or close to $2000 if they ate out twice a week, or more if they ate out more often) to use for some summer. Oh my, I am just off on a tangent, rambling away about stuff. This post is meant to be about planning, about packing a lunch, about choosing the healthier option, and about saving some money! The real trick to doing this is to plan to do it! I know, brilliant. For real though, we leave for church on Sunday morning at 8am-ready with our groceries bags and baskets, our menu and list, and our lunches. Do I wake up at the crack of dawn to have the lunches ready? Gosh no. I make them the night before, and stick 'em in the fridge. Sometimes I'll add a last thing or two in the morning that I know wouldn't be great in the fridge, but otherwise, I try to get the whole thing packed at once. The thing about packing a "lunch" or a snack, is that with kids and adults, having a good variety to choose from/nibble at makes not eating the drive-through food a bit more manageable. If you only pack carrot sticks, all you'll think about is french fries! So, do yourself a favour and "variety pack", as I call it. I only have this one sad photo from one of our most recent town trips. I make the lunch based on what we have (remember, we are going on grocery day!). Sometimes it's leftovers, sometimes it's lots of fruits and veggies, it's just whatever! I use wax paper or paper muffin cups to divide things. If something is wet (like that orange), I will use the special aluminum lined muffin cups. Yes, I know they are expensive, but I literally re-sue them for these lunches (they just wipe clean), so it's not too bad. I bought this container from Dollarama, and we each have our own. You could also buy (or maybe you have) some silicon baking cups. I used to have some....I'm not sure where they are anymore....anywho.... You could also buy a fancy-schmancy lunch box meant for these types of lunches. Here are some cool boxes, and some great lunch ideas. I know, right! This lunch from Family Fresh Meals is hard-core! That lunch box is called a PlanetBox, and I do sort of want one. Anyway, you can see this Mom packed a good variety in this little power-house lunch. I honestly think for kids, these lunches are so ideal. There is never some enormous sandwich that needs eating, or an entire apple that should be finished. Some kids (like my 5 year old mousey eater) just literally cannot do an entire sandwich. These lunches, with their little bits of this and that, make it easy to eat it up all. This Mom at My Mommy Style packs some good looking lunches too. She just uses plasticware she already has, and some silicon muffin cups to divide and conquer. Packing these lunches might be new-ish in our country, but this type of lunch has been around for a long time in Japan. The word "Bento" to us may just be a name brand, but a "bento" is a traditional lunch in Japan, usually with rice, meat, and a vegetable. They even do a "character bento" which is an amazing character based lunch. Seriously, amazing! Check these ones out at Lunchbox Awesome! Seriously, just click there to see some cra-cra character lunches!
Anyway, Bento Boxes (and all the available accessories) are pretty cool, and if you have a kid who comes home from school with a half-eaten sandwich, a half eaten this, a half eaten that....guess what? They may benefit from a bento style lunch. It'll save you food you throw away, that's for sure! And, like us, if you have to travel "into town" often (I know a lot of people around me do because we all live away from the nearest city to us), pack a bento lunch, and save some money (....and calories, and saturated fat, and...). Now, as a closing statement, we DO drive-through sometimes! I don't want anyone thinking we never do! Sometimes we're in town longer (waaaaay longer) than we had hoped and it ends up being a 2 meals in town kind of day. I won't lie, I actually like McDonalds fries a lot, so I'm never too upset if I have to eat them! :) Sometimes we plan on packing one meal, and eating the other one out. It's a treat, and because we don't do it every week, the kids feel like it's special. The End. I've talked about autism and the gut before; about how there is a high number of individuals with autism who have gastrointestinal troubles. I talked about trying the gluten free diet for our son with autism, and how we noticed a big difference in his behaviour, so he's going on 7 years with the diet. One thing I haven't talked about is his nutrition. Just what he eats. When we put Caleb onto the gluten free (and at the time, also a casien free) diet, he was only 3, and ate a lot of what he was given. Fruits and veggies, meats, nuts and seeds, rice and quinoa, a really good variety. The only things he didn't really like were casseroles; I think the food being all together in one dish was alarming to him (...my husband feels the same way!). Then, somewhere between that point and about a year ago, Caleb had whittled away at his food list until there was only a handful of things he would eat. Apples. Romaine with italian dressing. French fries. Yogurt. Toast. Cereal. Gluten-free pretzels. Popcorn. And sweets. It was very difficult for many reasons: one, I had become that Mom who was making a separate meal for my picky child. Caleb's aversion to food seemed like more than just a 'picky' child. He would literally gag, and cry, and often, eventually, would have a serious, screaming, kicking, full on melt-down. Those dinner time meltdowns would often leave his sisters crying, and I would have no appetite. Secondly, it made being invited anywhere difficult. We were always having to pack him a bunch of things, even if the people we were going to made a point of having a gluten free meal. If it wasn't from his tiny little list, he wasn't going to eat it. We felt like we were being rude; they went out of their way to prepare something he could eat, but we let him 'get away' with eating what he wanted. We weren't going to let him gag and throw a fit at someone else's house though, that's for sure! Lastly, his nutrition worried me a lot. He was (and is) taking a multi-vitamin everyday, for a while he was taking a child's omega capsule every day, but I knew that the best way to get all the vitamins and minerals you need is through food. Real food. I needed a plan...but where do you start with a kid who is actually about to barf when certain things touch his tongue? I tried bribery. Judge if you want to, but I am not above bribery to get something out of my kids! We started the "if you eat this (fill-in-the-blank-dinner item), you can have this (fill-in-the-blank-treat). You know a kid really, really doesn't like something where even that doesn't always work! It worked for some things though, like pasta with sauce (well, first pasta with parmesan, then we upped it to sauce). Sometimes it would take him an hour to get through a small bowl of noodles, and his treat would have to be where he could see it so we could keep reminding him with the visual cue. Sometimes this back-fired though, and he couldn't (wouldn't) eat something, then he was very upset about not getting the treat. Not fun. Then, something crazy happened.....dear, sweet Caleb loves Pickle Fries from Fast Eddies, but because we live far away from the world of Fast Eddies (it's mostly a south western Ontario thing), I thought I would buy that completely un-healthy, MSG laden popcorn seasoning in dill flavour. It is literally the same stuff Fast Eddies puts on their fries! Even though he likes popcorn, I started putting it on the kids popcorn once in a while as a treat. This was just last summer, and we were having corn on the cob a lot, which Caleb (c'mon, guess...) hated! Then I thought back to all those 'fancy' corn on the cob recipes with spices, and different things, and offered Caleb corn on the cob-with dill pickle popcorn seasoning (I know, yuk!). But, he ate it! He sniffed it, licked it, then finally took a bite! I knew how bad that popcorn seasoning was, but I really didn't care! He was eating a 'new' food! So, during last summer, we added dill pickle popcorn seasoning to a ridiculous amount of food! BBQ chicken, hardboiled eggs, steak....literally most meats we ate! We tried some more veggies, but he was still not biting (pun intended). He did start eating potatoes though (I know fries are potatoes, but deep fried, fast food fries are really not an ideal veggie option!) We were o.k. with that, we wanted him to start eating more proteins, and he was. We slowly got him 'off the seasoning' by using less and less of it, and finally by just putting the food on his plate with no seasoning, and telling him it was all gone (which it was, thank the Lord!), and we would offer him salt, which he would use. What's my point...? My point is this, if you are concerned about the things your child eats (or doesn't eat), pick one thing, and work there first. Don't make family meal time a battle either. I'm not a fan of the never ending parental fighting and "you eat this bite, or else...". Learn what your child likes, and start there. Add to it, use it to your advantage. For instance, Caleb now likes pasta with meat in his sauce. We got him to that point by really cooking it up so teeny-tiny he didn't know it was there at all, and eventually he grew to like the taste and texture, and now lets me cook it normally. Heck, he even requested meatballs! I also started hiding veggies in the sauce (and in other foods). Steam some carrots, or cauliflower, or bake some squash, puree it, and add it to your pasta sauce. Is it sneaky? Yes! Is he eating more veggies? Yes. Will I hide veggies in his food forever? Nope. But for now, it is getting him some extra vitamins and minerals, and keeping family supper time scream free! I have to remember that not too long ago he wouldn't eat noodles, or sauce, or meat at all! After the dill seasoning was gone, Caleb's tolerance of eggs faltered, and he wouldn't eat them for a long time. What turned him around was us having chickens! He was fascinated/amazed by the fact that we had chickens who laid us eggs, which we got to eat! I'm not telling you to buy a chicken so your picky eater will eat eggs, but a lot of kids are interested in where food comes from. So, grow some veggies, go to a farm, find a YouTube video, just make food interesting, not a fight! Another thing to consider/remember is to give your child a fair shot at pleasing you and eating better. My middle child is a mousey little eater. So, would it be fair for us to load up her plate, then force her to stay at the table until she finished all her food? I don't believe it is. We put food on her plate, knowing it is a reasonable amount for her, giving her the chance to succeed! It makes meals pretty enjoyable! And when all attempts are failing? Make your kids a milkshake! No, not a real milkshake with loads of ice cream, but a smoothie "milkshake". Lots of people are making green smoothies these days. Not all kids will find green smoothies appetizing though....so, I simply added some cocoa powder! Suddenly my kids all wanted a "milkshake": kale and spinach, ground flax seed, avocado, a banana and either pineapple or mango, maybe some kiwi, throw in some berries, then a few tablespoons of cocoa powder (don't forget liquid: milk, almond milk, coconut water, or regular water. You could use juice too, but make sure it's real juice, not loaded with sugar juice!), and suddenly it's chocolate! Sort of! At first I hid the fact that I was cramming their "milkshake" with healthy things, but I gradually let them start helping me so that they now realize that healthy can also be super-duper yummy! Special needs or not, children need to be well fuelled for their life! Geepers, they are so full of energy, and sillies, and they need good food in their tanks! But, another important thing is that these kids will eventually be adults who need to think for themselves, and make food choices on their own. If Caleb grows up still hating all fruits and veggies besides apples and romaine, but I know he can put a blender-full of goodness together that he will enjoy, I will be happy with that! It's about patterns, about teaching, about not making food a war, and about trying our best to give our children the best, so that they can be their best.
Does Caleb still eat fries, and sweets, and not so good food? Sure he does. But through years of trial and error, being patient and trying tricks, we are now making normal (for us) family meals that we will all eat. No bribery needed. Something happens in the spring here...things start to grow, the temperature warms up, there is about 2 weeks of spring fun. Blowing bubbles, puddles to play in, playing on the trampoline, playing hide and seek, seeing birds and rabbits in the yard....and then....the blackflies and mosquitoes come in droves!!! I'm not talking about a few pesky insects, the insects are actually so bad that we have the blackflies first (for about 2 weeks), then, when the mosquitoes make their appearance, the blackflies clear out! You literally step outside, and have biting bugs landing all over you right away! So, all that to say it can be hard to get out with the kids in the spring. I don't even make them play outside because the bugs are so bad, and that wimpy kids bug spray is not actually made for repelling bugs. Seriously, it's not. I'm not sure what it is made for, but I think if anything, the bugs like that kids' bug spray. Behind our house we have a forest, and when the bugs are a little more scarce we will go for treks, but heading back into the woods has not been an option because of the pesky guests. Finally, bugs and all, we asked the kids if they wanted to walk back there, and they all agreed (fools). :) Was it a crazy bug fiasco? Heck yes! Where the kids whimpering a little (a lot!)? Yes! Where the adults faking not minding the bugs so the kids would think it was o.k. to be bitten by 10 mosquitoes at once? You bet! Did they buy it? Mostly! Our 4 year old found a turkey feather that she used as a bag waver-away-er, and at one point our 9 year old had a branch from a pine tree on his head to keep the bugs off. That was brilliant. I tried it for a bit. But besides getting 30 new bug bites each, it actually was fun. Why? Because our kids got to see spring a little closer up. Even though they see it every year, winter can make us forget about what's under all that snow; all the life that is hiding there. We pointed out a beaver dam, birds nests, found some bones (I didn't tell them they appeared to be chicken bones {our chickens vanished one by one last fall|), saw 2 snakes, lots of new a cool looking bugs, pointed out animal tracks, and taught them about different types of trees. The point is, whether you live in the country or the city, get your kids out to see the world they live in! I'm not talking about just sending the kids outside (which is not a bad thing, when the bugs start to go away, we do it too), but about heading out as a family to "explore". Dora style.
Ever since that walk, my 4 year old is saying she collects bones and snakes (yuk), my 5 year old still knows that a white pine has 5 needles (w-h-i-t-e. 5 letter, 5 needles=white pine), and the 9 year old still says, "the woods are so many mosquitoes!!!" O.k, so, maybe he didn't get as much out of it as we wanted, but I know he had fun! Most cities or towns have a "rail trail" going through it, or a conservation area, or something you can go for a walk and see the "real world", as we call it. Just do it, ignore the bugs (or dip yourself in a vat of bug spray), and head out on an adventure! I know on Mondays I would usually post a recipe, but I couldn't today. What I need to do is talk a little, get some things out of my head, and honour a little girl who I will never really know, not until I meet her in heaven some day. My 5th baby, Ezra Faith. I had written out the whole story, the pregnancy, the news of miscarrying, the labour and delivery, but as I finished writing it, I felt I wasn't ready to share it. I want to share a lot of it, for the sake of other women going through the same thing, but it's hard for me to just "put it out there"....I will share my thoughts and feelings though. A year ago today, when I delivered my Ezra I thought I was 20 weeks pregnant, but she had passed away at roughly 18 weeks. And let me tell you something about her. She was the most perfect, tiny human being you've ever seen. Little hands and feet, a beautiful face, and very long legs (she would have been a tall, Dutch beauty). They wrapped her in the same blanket all my other full term, living and healthy babies had been wrapped in at the hospital, and handed her to me to hold. My husband and I cried, and cried. A Psalm that I read, and wrote out, and thought about constantly during this whole ordeal was Psalm 6:1(b)-3, 6 "Be merciful to me, Lord, for I am faint; oh Lord, heal me, for my bones are in agony. My soul is in anguish. How long, oh lord, how long?" v6. "I am worn out from groaning; all night long I flood my bed with weeping and drench my couch with tears. My eyes grow weak with sorrow...." On March 15th, we held a service for her. A family owned funeral home in Belleville gave us a free coffin for her (a wonderful friend called and found out, and picked it up for us), and we decided where on our property we wanted to put her. I felt the need to have her closer than farther, as I wanted to feel as though I could "watch over" her. I also wanted her next to a tree we plated for another baby we lost. Some friends and family came for the service, and it did offer some closure. I'm not sure where the idea came from, but we decided to make a garden for her, in her honour, as a memory. The most amazing thing about this garden though, is that we didn't pay for anything. The amazing people in our lives from our church, and from friends and our parents, we made the most beautiful garden (I never really thanked anyone from my church, but I would like to do so now). Also, a thanks to my church 'family' who made meals, gave us money for groceries (which my friend would buy, and bring out to us), sent cards and flowers, and especially kept praying. I wanted to fall apart, but no-one would let me.... A year has passed, and still I feel a pain deep inside me when I think of her, and who she might have been. There were many other women pregnant and due at the same time I should have had Ezra who now have healthy, beautiful babies, and when I see them, I imagine Ezra. I want to be happy for people who I learn are pregnant, but I also never want to hear about, or see another pregnant person again, let alone a new born baby. Feeling gladness for them, but also envy at the same time leaves me feeling like I have a split personality, and it hurts, like I am being fake, but not. A quote (not sure who's originally) says something like it's war between remembering and forgetting. Being happy for someone else feels like I am forgetting my baby, but remembering leaves me broken, and unable to function (especially around pregnant people and newborns). I have a fear, and I think a lot of women who have miscarried might feel this too, but it is a fear that the baby that died will be forgotten. It is not as real to others as it is to me, so, forgetting is understandable. I honestly don't judge. But I have a desire to remember my babies I lost, and other women's babies too. If you know someone who lost a baby, don't be afraid to let them know that you remember! People think, "oh, I don't want to remind them of it...."--don't worry, we're thinking about it! At church yesterday a friend gave me a gift as a remembrance, and another friend just wanted to say "I remember", and another gave me a beautiful drawing of a gerbera daisy (the flower we choose as a symbol of Ezra) and a poem. Small gestures, but all really big to me. I feel like a have a sense now, a sense of children missing, of being gone. I see them at church, I see them playing at the park, I see them at family functions. Not ghosts, but memories. People who loose babies carry them around with them, that's what I see. Right now, as the ground is covered in a few feet of snow, and this winter seems to never want to end, and I mourn the loss of my daughter, I also (really, truly) ache and look forward to the spring. To seeing the garden come back to life, to knowing that I may not get to sing Ezra to sleep, or kiss her boo boos, or throw her birthday parties....but, I can tend to her in my garden. I decided to put into her garden an empty bird cage, and a humming bird on a flower. To me, being here, trapped in this world where there is death & sadness is not a lot to miss. Ezra got lucky. She skipped it all, and went right to her forever home, where I hope to meet her someday. She is free, not trapped here. If anyone reading this wants my whole story, just e-mail me and let me know, I will share it. If anyone has gone through this, know you aren't alone in your feelings, and share your feelings with me. For art and inspirational quotes, you can view my board on Pinterest about miscarriage. I love Ezra, I know that may sound strange because I never knew her, but I love her. My throat feels a knot, my heart throbs, and I wish I could hold her. But, until I can, I will remember that the whole time she was alive, I was holding her. New Year's Eve is here-I honestly can't believe it! The new year offers us something I think we all need. A fresh start. Sure, life goes on, and all the same troubles follow us, but there is something about a new year that makes us want to re-boot. Why do we make new year resolutions? To re-boot! Do you have a new years resolution for this coming year? I kept my new years resolution from last year.....I resolved not to make a resolution at all. I know, it's so lazy. But I was tired of failing. A friend told me her resolution, and it's simply to eat more veggies. Not to eat less bad stuff, or exercise more, or anything like that. Just to eat more veg. I liked it for it's simplicity, it's lack of "rules" that new years resolutions often have, and that it sounded totally do-able! It got me thinking; I really should resolve to do something. So, as I often do, I found inspiration in my children. Before school let out for Christmas, my daughter Abby received a Terrific Kids award for Hope. In some ways the ideas of hope is abstract, and unreachable. But as I looked at my beautiful 5 year old, and heard what her teacher had to say about her showing the virtue of hope, and also inspiring hope in others, I knew I wanted it too. So, my new years resolution is to try to have more hope (and in doing so, to encourage others to hope too). Webster's says hope is: "the state which promotes the desire of positive outcomes related to events and circumstances in one's life or in the world at large". Basically, to think a little more positively! I currently have a serious hope deficiency....although people see me as outgoing, and generally happy, deep down, I lack that "state which promotes the desire of positive outcomes"-in many areas of my life! I've seen on Pinterest where you have a jar, and all year you write things that have happened that were good, and at the end of the year you read all the good things in the jar. I liked the idea, but knew I was too pessimistic to ever think anything was good enough to put in the jar. So, I'm going to do a Hope Jar instead. What I plan to do is to write some things I am hopeful for in this new year and put them into the jar. Some will be serious, and some will be light hearted, but I am going to choose to hope, and choose to be positive. I will likely add a few hopes as the year goes on, there are no rules, I'm just making this up! At the end of 2014, I will open the jar, and see how the year went. My hope (wow, I'm doing it already!), is that in writing some things down, I will be thinking & praying about the hopes in the jar. Even as hard times come, I want to know that I am making an effort to be hopeful. Do you have a new years resolution? If you don't, why not? Think of something-anything-that you want to re-boot.....why not do it now? There are no guidelines for a resolution, just do it! And if you fail (I'm talking to myself here too)? Try again! Have a great night, whatever you're doing, and I'll be here again next year (aka-tomorrow). :) No, not a Who, as in Dr. Seuss, or the SpongeBob episode called "Christmas Who?", I'm talking about the "who, what, where, when, and why" of Christmas. We hang up socks? Weird. A "jolly prowler" comes down a chimney to bring us presents? And there's a baby in a barn.....? Yikes, what a strange holiday! Raising kids today means figuring out how to reconcile "Jesus Christmas" with "Santa Christmas". Do you just tell a kid "Santa doesn't exist!"? A child will still see him everywhere, and wonder....and besides, Santa is real....sort of..... Get ready for a little holiday history lesson! Stick with me, it's so fascinating! In the 14th Century, a Greek bishop named Nicholas was known for secret gift giving. The main story that is told, the "legend" as it was, is that he secretly gave money to a man who needed dowries for his 3 daughters, and the money Nicholas secretly gave fell into the socks the women had hung to dry (in a window, or on a fireplace, no one is sure). Word spread, and soon, children were leaving their socks (or wooden shoes) out in hopes that Nicholas would give them a gift. When he became a Saint (and his feast day set as December 6th), children started leaving their socks (or wooden shoes) out the night before. P.S. Saint Nicholas is Sint Klaas, or Sinterklaas in Dutch....does Sinter Klaas sound familiar....? See, I told you he was real!! : ) Now, lets look at the Catholic church. In 274, a Roman emperor established December 25th as the feast of the unconquered sun. This feast occurred at the same time as the winter solstice, and was adopted by Christians following the council of Nicea in 325 (by the way, St. Nicholas was a part of this first council), and it was given a new meaning. Instead of celebrating the "unconquered sun", Christians celebrated the birth of Christ who is the "light that shines in the dark; a light that darkness could not overpower" (John 1:5). They called the mass they would hold on December 24th, the Christ Mass (otherwise known as....Christmas). Enter the Protestant reformation! In 1517 when Luther published The Ninety-Five Theses, and the Protestant reformation began, much of Europe became protestant, and rejected the Catholic faith, included Saints, such as Nicholas. However, children don't care much for reformations (I am being a bit cheeky), and the practice of gift giving continued, as well as holding the date of december 25th for celebrating the birth of Christ. Germans adopted the practice of having Kristkindls (does that sound familiar? Like Kris Kringle? It translates to "Christ Child") as a way to prepare for the coming of Jesus by encouraging them to see Jesus in others. They would pick a name out of a hat, and throughout the advent season would do something special for that person without them knowing who it was (the Germans were also the first to start using a Christmas tree-they originally hung it from their ceiling!). The British celebrated with a figure known as "Father Christmas", and he was not always an old guy! The puritans that emerged from the Protestant Reformation condemned almost anything from pre-reformation times, especially things that encouraged people to be indulgent. So, as the arguing over what to do increased, those who still believed there was a place for the older traditions, often personified Christmas (the event, which was not celebrated because of the reformation) as a kind, older man, a father figure, who was given to good cheer, but not to being excessive. They referred to this personification as "Father Christmas". Wait, what about Hanukkah? What about it? It is a completely different holiday than Christmas and celebrates the rededication of the Holy Temple in Jerusalem. Jesus would have celebrated Hanukkah, by the way, as he was a Jew. "The Festival of Dedication then took place in Jerusalem. It was winter, and Jesus was walking in the temple in Solomon's portico" (John 10:22-23). Hanukkah starts around the end of November and lasts for 8 days and nights. Immigration now plays a big part in Christmas and our Holiday season as people from all over Europe were coming to America and Canada. Just like our villages, towns and cities are melting pots of culture, so are we melting pots of Christmas! The baby Jesus, Sinterklaas, Kristkindl, Father Christmas-no matter who you think Christmas is about, it is ultimately a season for celebrating, for brotherly kindness, for giving, for loving. It's a time to re-connect, to share, to reflect. This season is a mash-up of cultures, of ideas, of celebrations. You can't ignore Santa, or Jesus in this season. There are (really) two separate holidays we are talking about, and I think for kids to know that our modern day Santa Claus is a version of a real, caring, loving man, is not a bad example to have. We should talk about him! And teaching them that there was also a baby born, who was to be the saviour of the world, that's important too! Connecting them by saying that the nice man who gave gifts was being a follower of this Saviour? Perfect! I think the central message of every holiday tradition is love, and that really is universal, and should be celebrated, no matter what. This song is one that brings me back to Christmas, and what it all means. This song also sends me to a place I was a few Christmases ago before our life as we knew it began to fall apart.
Songs have a way of doing that; of bringing you back to a place, whether good or bad, and letting you take a look at where you've made it to. It gives you a chance to be thankful for how far you've come, or a chance to realize you need to get back to who you were. Don't let this season of hope, of joy, of family and friends, and of the greatest gift ever given, pass you by without stopping and reflecting on who you truly are, or who you wish you could be this Christmas and always. Yesterday I posted about the cake I made for my daughters party. Today I want to share some photos from the rest of her party, but mostly my thoughts on birthday celebrations. Some people feel that having a theme, and looking to Pinterest for party ideas is a waste of time, and too complicated (not that it's complicating, but more that it takes away from simple pleasures). I disagree. Before the party started I was chatting with a Mom (and friend) who came early. I was telling her how I really feel there is a time and place to have simplicity, but then there is a time to go big. My kids birthday's are one of those big times to me! I shared last week how I have had 2 late term miscarriages. Going through that experience (twice) made me really appreciate the fact that I have 3 healthy, beautiful children whose birthdays I get to celebrate! I have 2 babies who's happy birthday song I never get to sing, and whose cake I never get to make, and who's hours of Pinterest hunting for their party I never get to do. So, am I doing big birthday's out of sadness for my loss? No, I am not. I feel that the birthdays I give to my children represent how glad I am that they are here. That being said, if one of my kids only wanted one friend over, and wanted to eat take-out pizza, and watch a movie, and do nothing else-I would do that too! The point of celebrating someones' birthday is to let them know they are loved, and for them to feel special! For instance, this pony party had hot dogs at it! Would I have picked hot dogs for a My Little Pony themed party? Nope! But my daughter wanted them, so we had them! My personality type also plays into this in that I enjoy a theme, and having something very specific to work on. If you're not into themes and colour co-ordinating, that's fine! At the end of the whole thing, it is about a child who's day of birth you are celebrating! That's it! What form it takes changes based on you and your family, and your birthday child. One thing I do, no matter how big or small of a party my child is having, is I wake them up on the morning of their actual birthday, and tell them the story about when they were born. I had a friend who's Mom did that, and I loved the idea. I also have video of me in the hospital, and my big belly, and of them right after they are born, and I show it to them. They really love it, and it is a really special moment (I usually cry a lot!). It lets them know that they are a treasure, and that I love them so much. Big or small birthdays are a hot topic right now, which way to you tend to go and why? I honestly feel that regardless of what the party looks like, it's about your motives, and your heart. Simple or themed/complicated, who is the party for, and why are you doing what you're doing?
Truth be told, this is an odd post. I kept thinking about it, and wondering why I would want to do this post. I feel the answer came to me last night, and it was simply, because I need to process. On June 7th, our lovely purebred lab gave birth to 8 puppies. One was a stillborn, and she also had another stillborn almost 24 hours later. So, 9 pups in total, but 7 for us to have for now. I was surprised at how well our lab was doing with everything. I know there is some instinct stuff that kicks in, but still, I was impressed. So, where this story is a little odd is in how much I loved these puppies. I generally am not a big puppy lover, but I loved these pups. A part of my life leading up to our dog having puppies was the fact that I had 2 late term miscarriages. I will speak about this more at a later time, but for now let me just say that I was in a very dark place, and was not coping well, and these puppies became my babies. These pups were born just a few weeks before what was to be my due-date for the second baby I lost. So, I sat and cried with our lab when she had the stillborns, and pet her, and was her telling her how good of a job she had done with the whole process. I was her mid-wife. I was using her and her puppies to make me feel better. Herein lies the mystery to why we ended up keeping one dog named Blue. Blue is not the smartest, but he is so smart. He is not the cutest, but he is really cute. I fell in love with Blue, and as each puppy was sold, I would cry, and actually miss that one puppy who had left, but I was also feeling a little happy that no-one had chosen Blue. Out of all the puppies, Blue had become the one that I really loved, as my surrogate baby. Fast forward a few months, and Blue is every bit a puppy, is so wonderful with the kids, and is so anxious to please. But I have been trying to deal with life, and suddenly see Blue for what he is, and not what I wanted him to be. He can make me so angry with the puppy things he does like ruining my slippers, and jumping onto our fake-leather couch and putting claw marks into it (aka-holes that my children will now pick away until the couch is ruined). But, he is just a puppy, after all. He won't be my little son and daughter that I lost. He could be a part of the family, but not the way I needed him to be. It all sounds selfish now, and a lot more crazy, but I warned you this post was odd. On Sunday a family is coming to take Blue, and make him part of their family, as a dog. I am honestly really happy for Blue, and for this family because he is really such a sweet puppy. But I am still struggling with the idea that I mothered, and loved on this puppy to fill a hole in me, and now I am sending him away. It genuinely feels like I am sending my child away. As I write this, I can't quite pin-point how I am feeling. I feel like letting Blue go is like telling myself it is o.k. to let go, and move on. Will I forget my 2 children that I don't get to kiss, and hold? Definitely not. Will I ever forget Blue? Never. But can I think of them all being happy, and better off where they are? For sure. I am moving on. A new life for Blue, and for me. |
Hi, I'm Amy-Lyn! I am the lady behind this here blog! I live in the sticks with my animals, my super handsome husband, and my
3 amazing kids! Here you'll find things from recipes (gluten-free, paleo, and strait up junk food!), DIY ideas, thoughts on raising a son with autism, and whatever else pops into my brain! : ) Read more about me by clicking here! Want to Stay Connected?
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