Truth be told, this is an odd post.
I kept thinking about it, and wondering why I would want to do this post. I feel the answer came to me last night, and it was simply, because I need to process.
On June 7th, our lovely purebred lab gave birth to 8 puppies. One was a stillborn, and she also had another stillborn almost 24 hours later. So, 9 pups in total, but 7 for us to have for now. I was surprised at how well our lab was doing with everything. I know there is some instinct stuff that kicks in, but still, I was impressed.
So, where this story is a little odd is in how much I loved these puppies. I generally am not a big puppy lover, but I loved these pups.
A part of my life leading up to our dog having puppies was the fact that I had 2 late term miscarriages. I will speak about this more at a later time, but for now let me just say that I was in a very dark place, and was not coping well, and these puppies became my babies. These pups were born just a few weeks before what was to be my due-date for the second baby I lost. So, I sat and cried with our lab when she had the stillborns, and pet her, and was her telling her how good of a job she had done with the whole process. I was her mid-wife. I was using her and her puppies to make me feel better.
Herein lies the mystery to why we ended up keeping one dog named Blue. Blue is not the smartest, but he is so smart. He is not the cutest, but he is really cute. I fell in love with Blue, and as each puppy was sold, I would cry, and actually miss that one puppy who had left, but I was also feeling a little happy that no-one had chosen Blue. Out of all the puppies, Blue had become the one that I really loved, as my surrogate baby.
Fast forward a few months, and Blue is every bit a puppy, is so wonderful with the kids, and is so anxious to please. But I have been trying to deal with life, and suddenly see Blue for what he is, and not what I wanted him to be. He can make me so angry with the puppy things he does like ruining my slippers, and jumping onto our fake-leather couch and putting claw marks into it (aka-holes that my children will now pick away until the couch is ruined). But, he is just a puppy, after all.
He won't be my little son and daughter that I lost. He could be a part of the family, but not the way I needed him to be. It all sounds selfish now, and a lot more crazy, but I warned you this post was odd.
On Sunday a family is coming to take Blue, and make him part of their family, as a dog. I am honestly really happy for Blue, and for this family because he is really such a sweet puppy. But I am still struggling with the idea that I mothered, and loved on this puppy to fill a hole in me, and now I am sending him away. It genuinely feels like I am sending my child away.
As I write this, I can't quite pin-point how I am feeling. I feel like letting Blue go is like telling myself it is o.k. to let go, and move on. Will I forget my 2 children that I don't get to kiss, and hold? Definitely not. Will I ever forget Blue? Never. But can I think of them all being happy, and better off where they are? For sure. I am moving on. A new life for Blue, and for me.
A wonderful brownie, a delicious peanut butter & chocolate Rice Krispie Square, squeeze some marshmallow fluff in between them....these are a few of my favourite things (name that musical!)! :)
For real, you won't believe how good these squares are, and they are gluten free!
Marshmallow Crunch Brownies
For Brownie Layer:
1 Cup butter, softened
1 Cup brown sugar
1 Cup white sugar
6 Tablespoons cocoa
1 Cup gluten free flour
2 Teaspoons vanilla
1/2 Teaspoon salt
For the rest:
7 ounce jar marshmallow creme
1/2Cup mini marshmallows
1 cup creamy peanut butter
1 1/2Cups chocolate chips
3 Cups gluten free Rice Krispies cereal
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F. Line a 9X13 pan with parchment, and lightly grease. Leave enough overhang of the parchment to be able to pull the squares out of the pan.
2.Cream the softened butter with the sugars.
3. Mix in the eggs, and then the cocoa, g.f. flour, vanilla and salt.
4. Bake for 25 minutes, or until toothpick inserted in the centre comes out (almost) done. Let this brownie layer cool slightly.
5. While it's cooling, put the peanut butter and chocolate chips together in a large pot on low heat heat, stirring now and then.
6. Once you have the chocolate and p.b. melting, spread marshmallow fluff on the brownies. Sprinkle the mini marshmallows onto the mallow fluff.
7. Remove the chocolate and p.b. from heat, and add in the cereal. Mix gently until the cereal is well coated.
8. Spread cereal mixture over marshmallow layer.
Chill well before cutting and serving.
The brownie layer in these squares are so yummy. So moist and delicious, you won't believe it's gluten free. Seriously, you will not believe it! Cut these up, and place each square into it's own cute muffin cup, and you can put them on a plate for a party, or as a gift.
Let me know if you make these, or have made something similar! I am always interested in recipes with these yummy ingredients in them! So, please do share with me!
Hi, I'm Amy-Lyn!
I am the lady behind this here blog! I live in the sticks with my animals, my super handsome husband, and my
3 amazing kids!
Here you'll find things from recipes (gluten-free, paleo, and strait up junk food!), DIY ideas, thoughts on raising a son with autism, and whatever else pops into my brain! : )
Read more about me by clicking here!
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